Love life like yourself ?!?!?


cutters part III
April 20, 2008, 3:01 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

There is no group called cutters anonymous.
If cutters got together in a room and talked
about the times we cut, and what triggered it
we would all go home and pull the blades out of our
shavers and start cutting.
 
When I was in rehab for cutting, I was the only one who
gave a clean urine sample when I checked in.
I was surrounded by meth heads, dope fans, crack addicts,
pill poppers and garbage heads who would bang draino for a
buzz and an escape from there dark reality.
 
I sat through AA,NA,SA,CA,and GA meetings. I listened
to the junkies and addicts cruise down memory lane
telling glamorized horror stories of hypodermic
needles and one of a kind pharmaceutical cocktail recipes.
I got the mental picture of some drunken mess stumbling
into a pawn shop and hocking his brand new
custom
Harley Davidson
for two grand so he could get his fix and give
Donald Trump more of his life, more of his money.
 
I listened to the shameful stories of filthy sex with five dollar ho’s
and missed meetings that resulted in mega financial loss
due to self loving jerk off sessions in  dirty public
bathroom stalls,followed by his favorite painkillers to
numb his shame. Told by a successful business man with
a beautiful wife and what masked itself as the perfect
life.
 
The rules for me in rehab were…
l)  I had to attend the daily group meetings.
2) I had to keep my arms bandaged and wear long sleeves.
3) I couldn’t show my arms to any of the other ‘clients’.
4) I could not talk about my addiction.


 
Rehab taught me that my addiction is contagious and that
addressing it is what kicks the urge in. If I talked about it
or let anyone see my arms I might give the other addicts
colorful new ideas on how to stop  there pain.
 
I went through the university of anonymous meetings
and group talk therapy for every addiction that I didn’t have,
because talking about mine is the numero uno trigger for it.
I got to the point where I wondered, why the hell don’t I do
drugs ? Hell, some of the glory stories and party days
sounded like tons of fun, and drugs were easy to kick, I know,
I had conquered that battle long ago all on my own.

I have gone through long periods of time where I didn’t cut,
but the craving always comes back and claims victory. Instead
of hating my addiction, I learned to embrace it and enjoy the
serenity and calm that I get when I give in.
My arm stings, and burns, I have to wrap it up, I cut
myself last night and it hurt so good.
 
When I was in rehab I was allowed and provoked to stand up
every day and say…
‘Hi my name is Leah Kleim, and I am an addict’

Part I : https://lovelifelikeyourself.wordpress.com/2008/04/12/cutters/

Part II : https://lovelifelikeyourself.wordpress.com/2008/04/15/cutters-part-ii-yes-i-am-a-cutter/

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19 Comments so far
Leave a comment

BOY, SHE SOUNDS LIKE A FREAKIN MESS 😉

Comment by LEAH KLEIM

are talking lashon hara about yourself?

Comment by X Factor

is that asur ?

Comment by LEAH KLEIM

whats with the beer labels?

you are nebach so mest up

Comment by rb

Thats no secret, I’m the first one to admit that.
The first step to recovery…..

Comment by LEAH KLEIM

you’r writing is remarkable.

Comment by a friend

DEFINATELY!!!

Comment by lovelifelikeyourself

How did you get her to write for you ?

Comment by a friend

Once upon a time they asked me to,
after that I volenteered (how ever u spell that)
my dry humor and raw harsh opinions 😉

Comment by LEAH KLEIM

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…

Comment by X Factor

the best in the west

Comment by F.F.B.

Im the comical one in the east

Comment by LEAH KLEIM

you are the funny!

Comment by F.F.B

We neaad more cutters posts!!!

Comment by F.F.B

we are about to get more cutters posts

Comment by F.F.B.

I just emailed another cutters post to love life

Comment by LEAH KLEIM

with pictures

Comment by LEAH KLEIM

Speaking as a cutter i sympathize…hey at least im not breaking into homes to feed my monster. I only hurt myself…supposedly,…but it feels pretty fuckin good anyway so hows the “hurt” come in?

Comment by Jobbernawl




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